Why men can’t handle rejection from women
“Males don’t count on girls to beat them”
As instances of spurned-lovers-turned-killers turn out to be virtually on a regular basis information in India and past (see field above), the following logical query that involves thoughts is, do women and men view and expertise rejection in numerous methods? Sure, says sociologist Shiv Visvanathan. “To a sure extent males don’t count on girls to beat them in any sphere. And as girls enter new domains the place males have been dominant, they’re feeling threatened. This new world has left males anxious they usually don’t have any seen indicators of coping. Therefore, they’re lashing out.”
Actor Taapsee Pannu who starred in Pink, a movie that offers with sexual harassment, believes most males are simply enjoying to the prevalent narrative in society, the place being rejected “might act as an affront to males’s sense of masculinity”.
Worry=Anger=Want for Management=Violence
Medical psychologist Dr Rajat Mitra says instances of maximum violence stems from males’s concern of dropping their id to assertive girls. “The lads I’ve talked to in remedy — those who’ve injured, murdered girls — have confessed that they had been truly scared of girls, their id got here crumbling down; and to regain management they resorted to excessive violence.”
The place does this skewed sense of entitlement come from? Tumpa Mukherjee, assistant professor of sociology on the Ladies’s Christian School, Kolkata, says this social conditioning of entitlement begins fairly early in life. And girls too play a component in making males consider the patriarchal narrative. “Most males are introduced as much as consider the very best goes to them. On the dinner desk, the very best portion is reserved for the daddy or son. They’re studying early on from their wives, moms, that getting the very best of every thing in life is pure, particularly from a girl,” she says.
The identical applies when they’re pursuing girls later in life. They assume girls can’t say no to their proposal or be disinterested in them, with particularly disastrous ends in a society in transition, like India, the place regressive patriarchal concepts are clashing with fashionable actuality each day.
Glimmer of hope
Dr Mitra cites an instance from his life in a small Swiss city referred to as Appenzell within the 1990s. “This challenge rocked Europe within the ’80s and ’90s. In Appenzell girls had no key function in determination making on the council degree until 1992,” he explains.
However issues had been altering. Ladies had been turning into assertive, going to work, demanding rights that males took with no consideration. Mitra provides that what was heartening was that these Swiss males took a solution-oriented strategy to the issue they had been going through.
Dr Mitra provides, “They wished to debate tips on how to take care of this new assertive lady saying ‘no’ to them, and higher negotiate with a girl when going through an issue. Until then, the idea of negotiation was virtually unknown.”
The step to each battle, as we should know, comes from acceptance of the issue.
Final month, Military Main Nikhil Handa murdered the spouse of a fellow officer after she refused his proposal to divorce her husband and marry him.
In April this 12 months, 25-year-old Alek Minassian drove his van right into a Toronto crowd, killing 10 folks. His disturbing Fb submit confirmed his murderous rage was a results of being sexually rejected by girls.
In Could 2014, Elliot Rodger, 22, killed six folks in a stabbing and capturing spree in California earlier than killing himself. He emailed an autobiographical doc that gave a peek into his deep-rooted loathing of girls, fuelled by an intense frustration over his virginity.
WHAT THEY SAID
As a society we have now wrongly pivoted this masculinity idea – boys don’t cry, males are the only bread winners… As soon as such a picture is ready, it places the person beneath excessive duress to adapt to that normal. This may very well be a motive why he feels the brunt of rejection. However I do really feel we’re all not geared up to handle rejection at numerous ranges. The explanation may very well be our thirst to win every competitors. Rejection administration is vital and ought to be taught.
—Ayushmann Khurrana, actor
Some films, books and albums showcase rejection as one thing frivolous – it’s usually proven as a ‘cute’ factor. Folks really feel that there’s a slight likelihood the ‘no’ could turn out to be a ‘perhaps’.
—Tisca Chopra, actor
Younger city males wish to change
“For the younger city males being macho isn’t the one technique to be. And it’s now not enticing characteristic to an unlimited variety of girls. For example, our technology noticed girls dancing to males’s tunes, be it Amitabh Bachchan or Govinda. You don’t get to see these sorts of movies anymore. That type of behaviour has virtually been wiped away as a result of its enchantment has diminished sharply. That’s a welcome change.”
—Dr Rajat Mitra
Do girls react in a different way to rejection?
Everybody struggles with rejection, and girls do too. However they’ve been socially conditioned to take care of ‘no’ in a extra inside means, believes intercourse therapist Kimberly Resnick Anderson. In a HuffPost article titled, We have to discuss how we take care of sexual rejection, she says, “If a girl is ghosted or blown off, she might be extra probably than a person to take it personally. She’ll assume she did one thing fallacious.”
Sociologist Tumpa Mukherjee says, “Ladies when rejected assume ‘that is my destiny’. They internalise it, it’s extra fatalistic for them. Most males don’t assume that means. They received’t curse their destiny; they’d say high quality, I’m gonna train this lady a lesson.”
Males’s response to rejection is a byproduct of a set societal narrative, the place all males are anticipated to play pursuers and win ultimately, believes Taapsee Pannu